my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
