Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
