Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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