Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
