he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
