I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There r osticjed everywhere
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
