Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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