just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
