Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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