Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
