dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
