i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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