Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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