you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
