brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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