I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
