8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
