Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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