And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
