Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
