my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
