I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
