After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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