I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
