A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
