since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
