thus making me awesome and them whores
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
