my sisters under your porch take her home
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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