there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
