I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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