i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
