She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
