hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
