Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need to calm my uterus...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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