he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
