i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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