And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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