so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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