I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
