Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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