In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
