Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
