I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
