We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
