Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
