I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
