Too much gin, very little bucket
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
