Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That accounts for only three of the penises
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
