Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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