I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
