Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
