His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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